I’ve canceled my bookings at two open mics (tonight and Sunday) after due consideration of my position.
In the past I relied on smoking, drinking and various other activities to get me through the anxiety of performing, and even preparing for performing.
Since I no longer do those things, I find that I no longer have the heart for it.
I will write something with much more detail at some point, but I want to say this:
To anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation—life is much bigger and more beautiful than it appears when you are in the grip of anxiety.
By all means do all you can to find your way through the anxiety, if you feel that performing is what you’re really here to do.
If you need drugs of any kind to overcome whatever it is that’s in your way, think very carefully about your choices and what it is you really want.
Finally, I’m not looking for sympathy or “support”, and I know that if you know me, you also know how I welcome advice.
The first reason I’m writing this is to say that I have many happy memories of times when—although I’ve probably made other people’s lives miserable with my ways of getting through—I’ve shared stages with extraordinary and talented people and that’s been worth it.
The second reason, to anyone who feels they are living what I’m talking about—it’s a choice.
If it’s all too much, you don’t have to put yourself through it.
I’m not talking about being scared, or having the jitters or butterflies in your stomach.
If you know what I’m taking about, you know.
Like I said, the world is much bigger than that place.
Find a love bigger than fear, and trust it to take you where you should be.
